It’s already mid-January 2022 and I can hear the spark and sizzle of boldly declared New Year’s resolutions fizzling out before they even start.
You know, the ones said with solemn faced conviction, held breath and fingers silently crossed, where we hope to goodness that THIS YEAR will be THE year that I will [insert promise to self here].
After years of doing that myself, falling off the wagon and then spending the rest of the year beating myself up it finally clicked that my whole approach was skewed. I was setting myself up for failure because my “resolutions” were based on how I thought others saw me and were not in alignment with or coming from my place of personal power.
How is it that we can stay in integrity with others and deliver on what we promise, whilst at the same time dismally let ourselves down?
New Year’s resolutions are often spoken out in haste, in the heat of the moment. They are commonly based on some goal that we promise ourselves each year we will achieve and somehow don’t quite seem to get there. Much of the time they are based on how we “see ourselves” (or perceive that others see us): too fat, too skinny, too this or that, not good enough; or on what we think we “should do” based on what others tell us: give up smoking, Netflix, chocolate; [insert addiction here].
We have some inkling that these behaviours are “not good for us” so we make a resolution to change them. The trouble is they are not linked to our bigger picture or our basic values so motivation to keep them up wanes quickly. The lens is focussed on reacting in the moment rather than relating longer term.
As a result, our resolutions are not coming from a place of personal power and are more a result of thinking from a place of “running away from” in the moment without real consideration of what the overall intent is.
The first thing I did was ditch the New Years Resolution activity all together. It didn’t make sense to me to think of how I wanted my life to be just once a year. Instead I started considering how I was living my life in the moment and what impact that would have on the longer term outcome.
1. Create Intentions to live by
2. Set goals that align with the intentions
3. Take small action steps that align with the goals
Creating your INTENTIONS TO LIVE by
The first thing I did to refine the way I set goals and intentions was to look at my intentions for living life:
I realised that if I lived each moment with these intentions in mind then everything else would come together to support them. It had a huge impact.
I realised that there were habits that I needed to tweak, goals to rethink and relationships to pay more attention to.
Take a moment to step back from your life and imagine being able to see the whole picture from beginning to end.
Ask yourself the following questions:
1. How long do I see myself living?
2. What sort of person do I see myself to be as I grow older on my journey?
3. What values/qualities are truly important to me?
4. How would I like others to treat and relate to me?
5. What legacy would I like to pass on to the next generation?
Whilst most people don’t think about their life in total, with many having an attitude of “who knows anything could happen”, finding themselves in later life with poor health, low finances and harbouring bags full of regrets.
The fact is that in 2019 the average life expectancy at birth in Australia for both sexes combined was 83.4 years, with a male at birth was 81.5 years, and for a female, 85.4 years. For someone born in 1965, the life expectancy was 70.85, 67.66 and 74.2 respectively indicating that we are living longer now more than ever.
Your future is made up of incremental moments of now
In every moment is an opportunity for you to make a choice about your future. You can choose whether to keep dragging the baggage/way of thinking moment to moment from your past into the future and get similar outcomes, OR you can choose to shift your thinking and actions to leave the past behind and reinvent a new life that is in alignment with your intentions to live by.
Sometimes you can be so stuck in the past that the future looks like more of the same and its difficult to see how you might break the cycle. Some people seem to be able to break away easily by just changing the thought, Tony Robbins style; and for others the “stuckness” is a lot more deeply rooted in the feeling body.
The great news is that with the willingness and desire to live life in a different way there are ways to clear out the hold the past has over you, so your future is free to open up to new possibilities. Breathwork, along with many other transformational modalities is one of those ways, and I encourage you to find something that resonates with you.
Aligning your goals with your intentions to live by
So now you have the big picture, you can start to chunk your life down and set your annual, monthly, weekly, daily goals. This is next level most of us refer to as GOALS.
At any point in time where you are about to make a choice, imagine there is a gate and it the gate you get asked a single question:
1. Does this goal (daily act, long term project, new relationship) support my big picture outcome and intention for life?
The answer could be YES, NO or YES and not right now.
Sometimes the goal is perfect, and the timing is not right. For instance, it may be that you are trying to take on too much at any one time. In this case you can set it aside and allow it to percolate until the timing feels better
If the answer is no, consider taking a serious look at what you are about to do/are doing.
Taking aligned action steps
I have found its important to stay with the awareness of BEING in the energy of your intentions to live by to motivate the DOING steps along the way. Conversely, without the action of doing something, goals are rarely actualised into reality. However, this works for you: lists, pictures, vision boards make sure you have aligned action steps.
Life could be lived from your place of power acting out your intention to live by, rather than bearing the effort of pushing for a life that isn’t aligned. (For a great book on the topic Power vs Force: David R Hawkins)
BEing in your intention whilst DOing the task go skipping hand in hand along the road in full power with no force.
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Jennylee Taylor is a personal development coach, group facilitator, Breathwork Practitioner and Trainer and author.
Jennylee specialises in guiding women on the journey back to feeling whole and complete, so they can sustainably navigate their career, step into their inner power, and bring a deeper connection to themselves and their true passions in life.
Her work is a customised synthesis of internal mindset work, metaphysical principles, Breathwork and strategies that pave the way for a purposeful and powerful life with aligned impact in their sphere of influence.
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